Broken Record

I spoke with a work friend via IM the other day. It's been a while, as we both have pretty heavy work schedules. She commented that she hadn't seen me around the office for ages. I replied, "I haven't been in the office for over a year. I'm permanently home based. You know this." She said she thought it was a temporary arrangement and that I'd be back in the office when I was "feeling better".

Now, she's a very intelligent woman and we've discussed my condition and how it effects me several times in the past. In fact, it was her suggestion that I request a laptop so that I could work from home when I felt too unwell to come into the office. So it was frustrating that I had to explain again that I'm not getting better - ever. There are no "good" days, per se. I have not-too-bad days, when the pain is at level 3, I'm not too dizzy and my mood is positive. I still can't walk very far without getting tired and the pain increasing to level 4 or 5, and I feel vulnerable when I leave the house because my balance is poor. But my not-too-bad days mean I can think clearly and do my job without getting exhausted, have a shower, do my laundry, cook a meal and wash my dishes - everyday things I used to take for granted.

She said it would do me good to get out and see people, so I told her about my first social outing in 19 months, which took place 6 weeks ago. I met up with a group of Twitter chums for a long lunch. It involved minimal walking and was mostly sitting, eating, chatting and laughing. I really enjoyed it, but I was in a lot of pain and very tired afterwards, and it took me 3 days to recover. I told her I had to save all of my energy for work, how I'd found it depressing in the beginning, but that I'd reconciled with my situation.

I would love to have my old life back, but that's not going to happen, so there's no point dwelling on it. I know my friend means well, but I do tire of repeating myself over and over again. MS has changed my life permanently, but I've adapted as best I can. I'm still working full time, thanks to my supportive employer. I keep in contact with my friends via social media and mobile phone. These things are possible thanks to technology. It would be a different story if I was still a hairdresser and it was the early 90s, so things could be a lot worse for me. I'm very glad I'm alive now.

In other news, I paid off my mortgage this week, thanks to my dead father, so I have a secure roof over my head. I've been worried that I might become too ill to carry on working before I'd paid for my house, so that's a real weight off my mind.
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In case you were wondering about the pain levels I refer to in this blog, here is the Comparative Pain Scale chart.