My symptoms have been all over the place in recent weeks. My joints ache, particularly my right hip and knee, my left ankle and the fingers of both hands. I'm exhausted all of the time and want to sleep for a minimum of 12 hours, but not at night – oh, no! – I want to sleep during the daytime, so my body clock is topsy-turvy and I'm eating breakfast at dinner time and lunch at midnight. It's messing with my head no end, not to mention interfering with my full time, daytime job.
I asked the doctor for some time off to try and recuperate from this current bout of fatigue and pain, which she interpreted as "flu" (I have MS, you daft bint!). Locums; what can you do?
This week, I'd hoped if I set my alarm for my usual getting up time that I'd retrain my body clock into its old rhythm, but so far it's not working. Even when I feel sleepy, I can't fall asleep but, instead, I lie in bed listening to my relaxation tape, trying to relax my body and hoping fervently that my mind will follow. Then, just as I'm nodding off, I'll get a muscle spasm that feels like a punch in the kidneys, or being stabbed in the chest, which ruins all of my efforts and leaves me wide awake, staring at the ceiling again. Once I fall asleep, I'll wake up several times during the "night", either from more muscle spasms, or cramp, or my joints hurting, or from being disturbed by my neighbours going about their normal daytime activities. It's hardly their fault that I'm living like a vampire.
When my alarm goes off, I barely achieve consciousness and usually fall fast asleep again as soon as I switch it off, before I can open my eyes properly. It's like there are lead weights attached to my eyelids and they refuse to open, then the next thing I know it's noon, or 2, 3, 4 o'clock in the afternoon. The other day I slept for 16 hours – sixteen! – and I was ready to sleep again 12 hours later. I'm not taking any soporifics or pain meds, other than those I take every day and (thought) I've become immune to. I can't stop taking those, otherwise my pain levels will increase tenfold. I feel like I'm stuck in a never-ending cycle of pain and fatigue.
Also this week, I've been diagnosed with hyperlipidaemia (that's high cholesterol for us lay folk). This shouldn't surprise me, given the fact that I live off ready meals, takeaways and more than my fair share of chocolate, but I did think I'd dodged that particular bullet. However, when I look at my diet, I don't eat nearly enough fruit or vegetables these days. I used to cook all the time so, while I was overweight, I ate a fairly well-balanced diet. I love vegetables and I have a freezer full of peas, sweetcorn, brussel sprouts, green beans, onions and peppers. I just don't eat them as often as I should because I rarely cook. I don't make my chicken stir-fry any more, which was one of my staples, nor do I make batches of chicken curry, or stew, or soup for the freezer at the weekends, like I used to. Cooking (and the subsequent washing up) takes a lot of energy and causes me a fair amount of pain, so I avoid it whenever possible. I'll have cheese on toast, or maybe a pork pie, or a fat-laden ready meal or phone for a chippy, rather than cook a nutritiously balanced meal that will knacker me.
That being said, I do want to improve my diet, so I'm going to try eating more veg-centric, home-cooked meals. If I have to exert myself a bit and suffer the consequences one day a week, but get long-term benefits from it, it's worth the effort. I need to do that much for myself, as hard as it might be. I don't want to live forever, but I'm not quite ready to throw the towel in just yet.
So, next week's shopping list is going to have lots of veggies and chicken, but no pies or cakes or ready meals. And we'll see how it goes.
This week, I'd hoped if I set my alarm for my usual getting up time that I'd retrain my body clock into its old rhythm, but so far it's not working. Even when I feel sleepy, I can't fall asleep but, instead, I lie in bed listening to my relaxation tape, trying to relax my body and hoping fervently that my mind will follow. Then, just as I'm nodding off, I'll get a muscle spasm that feels like a punch in the kidneys, or being stabbed in the chest, which ruins all of my efforts and leaves me wide awake, staring at the ceiling again. Once I fall asleep, I'll wake up several times during the "night", either from more muscle spasms, or cramp, or my joints hurting, or from being disturbed by my neighbours going about their normal daytime activities. It's hardly their fault that I'm living like a vampire.
When my alarm goes off, I barely achieve consciousness and usually fall fast asleep again as soon as I switch it off, before I can open my eyes properly. It's like there are lead weights attached to my eyelids and they refuse to open, then the next thing I know it's noon, or 2, 3, 4 o'clock in the afternoon. The other day I slept for 16 hours – sixteen! – and I was ready to sleep again 12 hours later. I'm not taking any soporifics or pain meds, other than those I take every day and (thought) I've become immune to. I can't stop taking those, otherwise my pain levels will increase tenfold. I feel like I'm stuck in a never-ending cycle of pain and fatigue.
Also this week, I've been diagnosed with hyperlipidaemia (that's high cholesterol for us lay folk). This shouldn't surprise me, given the fact that I live off ready meals, takeaways and more than my fair share of chocolate, but I did think I'd dodged that particular bullet. However, when I look at my diet, I don't eat nearly enough fruit or vegetables these days. I used to cook all the time so, while I was overweight, I ate a fairly well-balanced diet. I love vegetables and I have a freezer full of peas, sweetcorn, brussel sprouts, green beans, onions and peppers. I just don't eat them as often as I should because I rarely cook. I don't make my chicken stir-fry any more, which was one of my staples, nor do I make batches of chicken curry, or stew, or soup for the freezer at the weekends, like I used to. Cooking (and the subsequent washing up) takes a lot of energy and causes me a fair amount of pain, so I avoid it whenever possible. I'll have cheese on toast, or maybe a pork pie, or a fat-laden ready meal or phone for a chippy, rather than cook a nutritiously balanced meal that will knacker me.
That being said, I do want to improve my diet, so I'm going to try eating more veg-centric, home-cooked meals. If I have to exert myself a bit and suffer the consequences one day a week, but get long-term benefits from it, it's worth the effort. I need to do that much for myself, as hard as it might be. I don't want to live forever, but I'm not quite ready to throw the towel in just yet.
So, next week's shopping list is going to have lots of veggies and chicken, but no pies or cakes or ready meals. And we'll see how it goes.
You have a very honest, engaging style of writing that I very much enjoyed. I am now interested to learn how the shopping trip went x
ReplyDeleteIt was very hard work. Cooking takes an awful lot of energy and it was a real struggle for me. As much as I'd love to cook from scratch all the time, it's not an easy option for me. Instead of cooking I've been eating a lot of sandwiches, toast and raw nuts.
Deletewow this is really good i can relate to the fatigue & sleeping problems i had similar issues before. i'm looking into natural remedies for MS & i've come across 1 amazing product that i have been taking for over a year now & i'm finding it really helped me. Please take a look at my blog http://www.shiningstars1.com/offer/
ReplyDeleteThanks for the glimpse into your life. I can relate to a lot of what you say. I cook less and often eat quick snacks instead. I also struggle to move a lot so have put on weight. I hope the shopping and cooking go well. I tend to stick to stir fries and quick curries, but I also revert to beans on toast or scrambled egg frequently. I struggle with pain and find it exhausting. I decided to have food deliveries to the house to cut out the shopping trips, then i just pop into a shop for one ingredient here and there. I am yet to be weaned off Cadbury's Marvellous Creations and am awaiting a place at The Priory to detox from it. I will keep reading and see how you get on. xx
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