(Physio)Therapy?

I had my third appointment with the physio today. It was a complete waste of time.

She asked how I was and I told her I’d been experiencing a lot of pain since I last saw her 3 weeks ago, mostly at night, while sleeping, but that I’d had a pain in my chest since Monday morning at 3.30am and it was still there. She asked if I’d seen a doctor and I said I’d tried, but couldn’t get an appointment. I plan to try again tomorrow.

She asked how I’d got on with the exercises she gave me and I said I’d done what I could every day, but she’d given me an exercise that could only be done on the floor after I’d said I wasn’t comfortable with getting down on the floor, as I couldn’t be sure I’d get back up again without a struggle. She asked when I last got on the floor and I told her (again) that it was a few weeks ago when I was sorting out my tins cupboard. I found that my legs had gone to sleep and it was a while before the feeling returned and I was able to get up off the cold tile. She showed me how easy it was (for her!) to get up off the floor using something like a couch to lean on. I said, “But my legs won’t always support me. They lose power, so I’m stuck until it comes back,” but she said the point of the exercises was to regain strength. I said, “MS doesn’t work like that. My arms and legs can be fine one minute, then the power just goes. Strength training doesn’t help that.” She started to say something, then stopped and said she didn’t want to argue about it (probably because of the expression on my face!) and we moved on.

I told her my left shoulder has been very painful when doing the strength exercises she gave me. My left arm is my weak arm, which is a nuisance, as I'm left-handed. It aches a lot and gets heavy at times, while my right arm is usually fine. My shoulder pain has nothing to do with my MS. I’ve always slept on my right side but, when my hip started to bother me a few months ago, I decided to try sleeping on my left side instead. However, after the first night, I woke up with a sore shoulder and it’s been that way ever since. I explained all this and she made a note, but moved right past it. I said, “So, does my having a sore shoulder not bother you at all?” and she replied, “What do you want me to do about it?” I said, “You’re the physio,” and she said, “Yes, but shoulders aren’t my thing(!)” I looked at her incredulously and said, pointedly, “But you’re the physio.”

“I don’t know about shoulders, I don’t specialise in shoulders, they’re not my thing. I would need to put you on someone else’s list, but I can’t just do that of my own accord.”

“So, you’re not going to do anything about my shoulder, you’re just going to ignore it until it gets worse?”

“Well, you’ve had it so long, I doubt there’s anything we can do about it.”

“When I had my sore ankle in October 1999, they said my body was ignoring a sprain I sustained in May, so they gave me ultrasound to "wake up" my body's own healing process, then strapped up the area and it got better. It didn’t heal perfectly, but it’s better than it was.”

“There’s no evidence that ultrasound works, so we don’t use it.”

“Well, that’s unimportant, I’m just telling you what they did in 1999. What is important is that you’re happy to ignore my shoulder because it’s “not your thing” and hand me weights to lift that make it worse!”

Then she said, “Show me where it hurts.” Finally!

She poked and prodded my shoulder, getting me to hold my arm at different angles, then she touched a spot that made me scream. She kept poking at it until I had to ask her to stop. “Oh, there’s definitely some tenderness there,” (you think?!) “…so I’m going to refer to you another physio who specialises in shoulders and get her to look at that. Are you happy with that?” Er, what do you think(?)

Once we got my shoulder injury out of the way she latched onto her favourite topic – my weight! Now, I’m under no illusions about my weight. I’m not in denial and I don’t see a skinny person when I look in the mirror. I know exactly how fat I am and that it’s not good for my health. I know that my weight is a contributing factor to my pain and loss of mobility, however it’s not the underlying cause – MS is, and trying to get the physio to understand that was an uphill battle.

I explained (again) that I lost over 6 stones (95lbs) all on my own in 2009. I kept most of it off for 18 months and only regained the weight after my MS got to the point where my dizziness and pain made it difficult for me to exercise, and even walk, like I used to. I explained (again) that I missed going to Zumba, going out for lunchtime walks, going to Pilates, going dancing, etc. and her answer was, “But that was a long time ago.” Er, it wasn’t that long ago! It’s only been 2 years, which is hardly a lifetime. I gained a lot of good habits and kept them up until it got to the point where my body would no longer let me. Then I got really depressed and I started comfort eating again, resulting in where I am now.

I tried to change the subject by talking about my painful joints, but she interrupted and said, “You said your GP offered you weight loss surgery, but you turned it down. Why was that?” I'd already explained my reasons to her, and said so. I’m not interested in any kind of surgery. If I can’t lose weight on my own (and I’ve proved that I can), then I’m not going to do it by cutting bits out of me. Surgery isn’t an easy option and it can have all kinds of repercussions. Many people are miserable or have health issues after surgery. Some people don't lose weight because they keep eating sugary or fatty foods. It’s not some magical cure. Even if I was one of the lucky ones, I’d need more surgeries after the weight loss to rid me of the excess skin I’d be left with, then have to deal with the scarring from that. It’s a lot of pain and suffering to go through with no guarantee of success, so thanks, but no thanks.

I also told her that I’m not interested in signing up for a weight management programme, as I’m not in the right frame of mind to lose weight. I’m perfectly capable of losing weight all on my own, so I’m not going to say yes just to satisfy her. Paying lip service to folk is not my style.

We discussed several other exercise options – 2 hours of walking (my neighbourhood is too rough, the feral kids would pinch my sticks and beat me to death with them), an hour of swimming (I bloody hate swimming and I refuse to endure the indignity of being hoisted out of the pool because I can't climb the ladder on my own) or 45 minutes in the gym (I have trouble lifting my 1.5kg dumb bells at home, never mind humiliating myself in public) – but, eventually, she said, “You’ve shot down every one of my suggestions, so I don’t think I can help you further,” with which I heartily agree. 150 minutes of exercise per week might be the government's target, but it’s unrealistic for someone in my position. I couldn’t physically manage it. 10 minutes of walking round the shopping centre for a few groceries and a visit to a cash point on the way home left me feeling exhausted, so how she could expect me to walk for 2 hours, even with lots of rests, is beyond me. I’m not being lazy, I’m being realistic.

I expected physio to address my mobility issues by giving me stretches to improve my range of motion and ease my tight, sore muscles. What I didn't expect was aerobics and free weights. If I was able to do those I wouldn't need physio in the first place! I need assistance she’s not equipped to give me. So, the physio and I have parted company, with a promise of a referral to another physio for my shoulder. I’m going to call my MS nurse tomorrow and ask for a referral to the physio department at the Western General Hospital, where my friend gets hydrotherapy and acupuncture. If I don’t get it too, there’s going to be hell to pay!