Since being diagnosed, I follow several MS organisations on Twitter. Last November I saw this article, which interested me greatly. The tone is sarcastic, but it gives a very accurate description of some of the symptoms I've experienced over the last few years. I went through them all and highlighted those that had or were still affecting me at the time. You can view the results here.
I came across the document the other day while sorting through some old folders on my computer. Out of curiosity, I went through the list again to see if anything had changed. It really shouldn't have been a surprise to me, given the year I've had, but not only was I displaying new symptoms, some of the others I'd experienced previously had worsened. You can view the updated document here.
I read an article today on the BBC News website about a woman who lost her job, then her home after falling ill with cancer. Given my rapid decline over the last 12 months, and the fact that I still have 10 years to pay on my mortgage, this worries me greatly. I don't have a partner or close family who could support me, should my health deteriorate to the point where I can no longer work - not that I want to be a burden to anyone. But it does cross my mind that I could easily end up on the streets should my circumstances change.
I'm very fortunate to be in full-time employment and work for a company that is flexible and understanding about my health. I get a lot of support from my line manager and Human Resources. I requested, and was issued, a laptop so I could work from home on days when I don't feel well enough to drive (the bus is definitely not an option on those days!) and, in theory, reduce my absenteeism. (Unfortunately, it hasn't quite worked out that way).
However, things don't stay the same for long and, while I've been with the company for over a decade, there's no guarantee I'll remain there for the next 10 years, as much as I might like to. As with any large organisation, we go through regular restructures and departments are "downsized" or completely disbanded. I've seen many colleagues leave for pastures new over the years. Most went on willingly to bigger and brighter things, but a few left grudgingly, and only after they'd interviewed for every available position elsewhere within the company.
The job market is tough right now for everyone. It's an employers' market, so they can afford be choosy about who they hire. I don't fancy my chances, when they look at my medical history and attendance record, if I'm up against an able-bodied 25 year-old with a university degree.
I try not to dwell on this too much, as it's quite depressing and I might just decide to slit my wrists and be done with it. But it is something that I have to consider, as it could become a reality in the not-too-distant future. I can't afford to be complacent or ignore the possibility that things might change sooner rather than later, and not for the better. I will definitely worry about it when it happens, and I'll try not to worry about it too much until it does, but it will continue to nag me from the dark corner at the back of my mind.
I've gone a bit off topic, but these are things that have been preying on my mind this week, and it's my blog and I'll ramble if I want to. I don't think anyone reads it anyway. It's just a way for me to record a snapshot of my life at this point in time. OK, I'll shut up now.
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