The Art of Conversation

I chat to lots of guys on dating sites, but I'm very selective about who I chat with. I specify in my tag line the age range I'm looking for (35-55), so if you're 18-30, I'm going to knock you back. You're wasting your time, move on. Same goes if you're over 55. Move on, I'm not looking for a Daddy. I also specify I'm looking for someone in my area, so if you're further than 50 miles away, I'm not going to be interested. “Watch me cum on cam” will not illicit a response from me. Nor will, “fantastic tits” or “shaved or trimmed?”(!)

In my opinion, the internet has eroded manners and the art of conversation. Would a man really walk up to a woman in a bar and say “Bet you've got a nice tight pussy” and not expect to get slapped or a drink thrown in his face? I don't think so. So why do they think it's acceptable to start a conversation that way online? I'm so tired of men asking me my bra size before they've asked my name. I might be looking for a sexual relationship, but does that mean sex has to be our only topic of conversation? I'm not a prude by any means. I can be utterly filthy when the mood takes me and I'm quite happy to discuss the more intimate details of my sexual preferences once we've got to know a bit about each other. But I like to start a conversation by finding out if we enjoy the same books, films and music, to see if we're on the same wavelength. You can tell a lot about whether or not you'd get on with someone by finding out if you share common interests. And while I'm not looking for a boyfriend, I am looking for a "friends with benefits" arrangement with emphasis on "friends", not just a fuck buddy.

If a guy pages me with "Hi there", or "Would you like to chat?" and he meets my age/distance criteria I'll probably accept his page. But if his response to my "Hi there, how are you?" is "Horny, lol", then I'm immediately turned off. Everyone gets horny, but I want a more mature response. We're not horny teenagers, we're adults, so let's chat like adults and save the crude vulgarity for the horny teenagers. Yes, we're looking for a sexual partner, but it's all about the approach.

I'm not going to decide if I'll sleep with you based on the size of your cock or what your favourite position is. For me, sexual attraction is about more than what someone looks like. I want to know what sort of person you are – what makes you laugh, what your views are on current affairs, what fires your enthusiasm – these are all important factors when I'm deciding whether or not I like you. I find intelligence very attractive and, for me, a cunning wit is far more alluring than an 8-inch cock.

I also detest "text speak". I'm not talking about "LOL", or "PMSL", I'm talking about "how ru 2day".

1) We're not texting, we're typing. You have a full keyboard in front of you – use it!

2) We're not teenagers, we're adults (35-55). I want a coherent, intelligent conversation, not something I need a cryptographer to decipher(!)

I've upset more than one guy by calling him on his use of text speak and most give up and leave the conversation, which is fine by me. I want to date an adult, not a teenager (especially a 40-year-old teenager!).

Some of the best conversations I've had were with married men. I don't date married men, but I like chatting with them, as the majority are polite, articulate and don't go straight to the "Do you like anal?" questions. They know how to be flirty without being offensive and those are the sorts of conversations I enjoy. There are several married men with whom I chat regularly because I find them interesting to talk to, not because I have any intentions in meeting them. They are aware of this and are happy to chat. They enjoy a bit of banter and verbal sparring, and I'll often seek them out if I'm bored of an evening.

Don't get me wrong, I have chatted with some very nice single guys this year too. I'm not tarring them all with the same brush. Many of them do know how to have a civilized conversation and I've made a few new friends. But the majority of guys I speak with, the ones who lament that none of the women will chat with them and blame it on the numbers, they have the wrong approach and this is what's holding them back. I've tried to explain this to a few guys, but have ultimately been met with resistance and, very often, abuse.

I had a chat today with a guy who kept asking me very personal, intimate questions. I told him I didn't want to have that sort of conversation, but he wouldn't listen. I told him if sex was all he could talk about he wasn't for me, cheerio. I had to block him because he sent me a torrent of filth and abuse in response, calling me horrible names and telling me I was "mental". And he wondered why he'd been single for so long(!)

So guys, if you want to get my attention and keep my interest, be respectful and engage your brain, not your libido. Be interesting, witty, smart and flirty. Ask me my name before asking if I enjoy sucking cock. I'll probably answer the question, but you'll have been added to my "Rude" list and ruined any chance of meeting me and finding out for yourself ;-)